sometimes i blame myself for getting too close to people. i been hurt way too much by my so called friends i had and even best or i should say ex best friends. i just get too close and yet I'm the one that falls and they don't. with a group of people i know i only am close to one and i promise myself not to do it again cause i know in the end i will end hurting.

yet here i am doing it again...of course i stop making friend after high school even through college. yet, last year i let my guard down one last time. i don't know the reason for it just my intuition telling me "do it one last time trust me on this". of course i trusted it cause that's the only thing left i have to trust.

well...sure enough it was right and I'm still friends with them. I'm a bit surprised and i even made one last best friend...yet they both are far away...one is in japan and the other one is in IL for the time being.

usually i was alone through out my whole life...and only person has changed that and now 2 more people have...but I'm grateful to have them...and thankfully the one in IL is moving back here. i just don't know when it's going to be....

sometimes i feel that i got too close to them too fast...and when they left i just couldn't take it...even now i can't sleep or i sleep too much. i lost the will to draw yet again...even my poetry is really depressing. it's doesn't help that i listen to depressing music...but i can't force myself to listen to happy go lucky songs...

i just lost myself...and i can't seem to keep myself afloat much longer.